Movie Review: Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

“It’s like they took the even-numbered pages of a half-dozen sci-fi novels and put them into a Markov generator.” - my flatmate

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is the dumbest sci-fi movie I’ve ever seen. It is so dumb that I’m having trouble with the usual main point of my reviews, which is who should see it.1 The shortest possible answer, then, is “nobody”; you should just go watch the first Guardians of the Galaxy movie again instead.

…except…

"Holding Back"

I still felt terrible at the end of the week, and I knew it was going to be a bad one. Everything still reminded me of him, whether it had anything to do with him or not—the curtains he came with me to buy, the books he gave me for my birthday, the rack that had so often held his stylish shoes. It was the end of the week and I felt like I couldn’t take the effort of bearing up his presence, so I decided to go out.

It would be better to be around people, I decided, as…

Determination: Epilogue

(1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | part 11)

[Content warning: car accident]

Older Posts

  1. 2017-05-11 Psycho-Pass Halfway Recap
  2. 2017-05-06 Determination (Part 10 of 11)
  3. 2017-04-12 "Story of Your Life" (Re: Arrival)
  4. 2017-04-11 Psycho-Pass 2: "Those Capable"
  5. 2017-04-09 Psycho-Pass 1: "Crime Coefficient"
  6. 2017-04-08 Movie Review: Kimi no Na wa
  7. 2017-03-31 Dogsong Variations
  8. 2017-03-30 "Morning Glory": Building a Mystery
  9. 2017-03-29 "Dear You" (sketch)
  10. 2017-03-28 NaNoWriMo Limericks
  11. 2017-03-26 "Remember Me" (plus sketches)
  12. 2017-03-23 Traced Portrait: LEX
  13. 2017-03-23 Perspective (animation)
  14. 2017-03-22 "Weeks Later"
  15. 2017-03-18 "Mado Kara Mieru" (Chiptune WIP)
  16. 2017-03-15 "Buffer Overflows" (a rap battle)
  17. 2017-03-14 "Memoirs of a Student" (part 3)
  18. 2017-03-10 "Future" (from Umineko: When They Cry)
  19. 2017-03-09 "Morning Glory": Progress Report
  20. 2017-03-08 "Morning Glory"
  21. 2017-03-07 "Memoirs of a Student" (part 2)
  22. 2017-03-04 Determination (Part 9 of 11)
  23. 2017-03-03 What's the Longest Kanji?
  24. 2017-03-02 "Memoirs of a Student"
  25. 2017-02-26 Determination (Part 8 of 11)
  26. 2017-02-25 NaCreSoMo 2017
  27. 2017-02-19 "Dekiru Kagiri"
  28. 2017-02-16 You Are Remembered
  29. 2017-01-31 Determination (Part 7 of 11)
  30. 2017-01-28 Happy Lunar New Year
  31. 2017-01-27 "Will I hide you?"
  32. 2017-01-18 Movie Review: Hidden Figures
  33. 2016-12-31 "Colorless Sneer": Behind the Lyrics
  34. 2016-12-27 Movie Review: Arrival
  35. 2016-12-26 Determination (Part 6 of 11)
  36. 2016-12-04 "Shining Armor"
  37. 2016-11-06 NaNoWriMo 2016 (U)OST
  38. 2016-10-30 Determination (Part 5 of 11)
  39. 2016-10-23 Determination (Part 4 of 11)
  40. 2016-10-22 Book Review: The Gods Themselves
  41. 2016-10-16 NaNoWriMo 2016
  42. 2016-10-15 Higurashi and the Rules of Mystery Novels
  43. 2016-10-02 Determination (Part 3 of 11)
  44. 2016-09-25 "Love The Way You Lie"
  45. 2016-09-24 規則 (The Rules)
  46. 2016-09-18 The Rules
  47. 2016-09-06 "Colorless Sneer"
  48. 2016-09-03 Determination (Part 2 of 11)
  49. 2016-07-23 Determination (Part 1 of 11)
  50. 2016-04-20 "Usan no Kaori" (Chiptune)
  51. 2016-04-12 … x …
  52. 2016-04-10 "Soulless Pacifist"
  53. 2016-04-02 NaCreSoMo 2016: Audio Extraordinaire!
  54. 2016-03-31 "Animated" Sorting Algorithms (in Swift)
  55. 2016-03-27 "Umi no Shita Kara"
  56. 2016-03-26 … x Hermione
  57. 2016-03-26 Hurricane
  58. 2016-03-23 "Usan no Kaori" (Chiptune WIP)
  59. 2016-03-20 Playing with RPG Maker
  60. 2016-03-16 "hope" (Chiptune WIP)
  61. 2016-03-13 "Just the Same"
  62. 2016-03-12 Movie Review: The Witness
  63. 2016-03-12 Omen'ya
  64. 2016-03-09 "True Hero"
  65. 2016-03-05 Tornado
  66. 2016-02-25 NaCreSoMo 2016
  67. 2016-02-08 Happy Lunar New Year!
  68. 2016-02-05 "UseRoaming no"
  69. 2016-01-29 "Talking About Race"
  70. 2016-01-18 Racism, noun
  71. 2016-01-10 "Lapis Lazuli" (Steven Universe)
  72. 2015-12-21 Review: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay: Pt 2
  73. 2015-11-27 Movie Review: The Good Dinosaur
  74. 2015-11-11 "Hey, Allison"
  75. 2015-11-09 Part 1: Office Blues
  76. 2015-10-12 Problems with The Martian
  77. 2015-10-11 Movie Review: The Martian
  78. 2015-09-12 That One Time
  79. 2015-09-08 "Let Her Cry"
  80. 2015-08-26 Poem-a-Day 2015
  81. 2015-08-17 "The Fighter"
  82. 2015-07-26 "Walk on Distant Worlds"
  83. 2015-07-23 Movie Review: Pulp Fiction
  84. 2015-07-07 "Years Later"
  85. 2015-06-27 Movie Review: Mad Max: Fury Road
  86. 2015-06-06 "In My Veins"
  87. 2015-05-12 "You Be…"
  88. 2015-04-05 NaCreSoMo Wrap-Up
  89. 2015-03-31 cp
  90. 2015-03-29 Hell, Backpack, Pokémon
  91. 2015-03-27 "Motion Sickness"
  92. 2015-03-26 "Distractingly Hot"
  93. 2015-03-24 What's in a Name?
  94. 2015-03-23 Simulated
  95. 2015-03-18 Letters
  96. 2015-03-17 Emotional Proprioception
  97. 2015-03-16 "Caravan" (excerpt)
  98. 2015-03-14 "Making Tracks"
  99. 2015-03-13 Draco x ...
  100. 2015-03-11 Music Video Notebook
  101. 2015-03-10 "The 100% Perfect Boy, Part 2"
  102. 2015-03-09 "On Seeing The 100% Perfect Boy One Rainy March Afternoon"
  103. 2015-03-08 Monitor Hum
  104. 2015-03-02 "Superfish"
  105. 2015-02-23 NaCreSoMo 2015
  106. 2015-02-19 Happy Lunar New Year!
  107. 2015-02-03 Movie Review: Selma
  108. 2015-02-01 In-groups and Out-groups
  109. 2015-01-01 Movie Review: Pitch Perfect
  110. 2014-12-31 Movie Review: The Imitation Game
  111. 2014-12-24 Movie Review: Big Hero 6
  112. 2014-12-21 Movie Review: Interstellar
  113. 2014-12-15 Game Review: Transistor
  114. 2014-12-14 Review: The Hunger Games: Mockingjay: Pt 1
  115. 2014-10-12 "Shellshock"
  116. 2014-08-31 Ten Books That Have Stayed With Me
  117. 2014-08-25 Poem-a-Day 2014
  118. 2014-08-23 Movie Review: Guardians of the Galaxy
  119. 2014-08-13 "Nothing to See Here"
  120. 2014-07-04 "Heartbleeder"
  121. 2014-06-22 Movie Review: Edge of Tomorrow
  122. 2014-06-14 Re: The Traced Portrait Project
  123. 2014-05-25 "Ordinary Moment"
  124. 2014-04-01 NaCreSoMo Afterword
  125. 2014-03-31 A State Machine Simulator
  126. 2014-03-30 NaCreSoMo "CubeQuest" & Pompeii/Daughter
  127. 2014-03-27 What is a Parser?
  128. 2014-03-22 Seiyū
  129. 2014-03-21 Parents
  130. 2014-03-20 What are Regular Expressions?
  131. 2014-03-19 What are State Machines?
  132. 2014-03-16 Thoughts on "American Revolutionary"
  133. 2014-03-15 "Guard the Right"
  134. 2014-03-14 "goto fail"
  135. 2014-03-10 Graph Coloring the Sonobe Model, Part 1
  136. 2014-03-07 Light Reading for Up-Goer Five
  137. 2014-03-06 Red Big Ball
  138. 2014-03-05 What is a Lexer?
  139. 2014-03-04 "Come Back Home"
  140. 2014-02-27 NaCreSoMo 2014
  141. 2014-01-31 Happy Lunar New Year!
  142. 2013-12-28 Movie Review: Gravity
  143. 2013-12-24 Movie Review: Frozen
  144. 2013-12-01 "Everything's Alright"
  145. 2013-11-30 The Great Secret of Computer Science
  146. 2013-11-27 Review: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
  147. 2013-11-24 Pet Peeve: "I will NEVER understand women."
  148. 2013-11-23 Movie Review: I Am a Ghost
  149. 2013-11-22 Movie Review: Lawrence of Arabia
  150. 2013-11-21 Star Wars: Machete Order
  151. 2013-08-26 Poem-a-Day 2013
  152. 2013-08-19 "Nothing Left of Heaven"
  153. 2013-08-18 "I can rap in English!"
  154. 2013-07-20 "Beautiful"
  155. 2013-06-22 "Asian"
  156. 2013-06-09 The Traced Portrait Project
  157. 2013-06-05 Traced Family
  158. 2013-05-25 "My Rabbit Has Four Ears"
  159. 2013-05-12 "All for You"
  160. 2013-04-14 He-Man and Zelda
  161. 2013-04-01 NaCreSoMo Postmortem
  162. 2013-03-31 NaCreSoMo Tribute
  163. 2013-03-29 TEXT ADVENTURE LOL
  164. 2013-03-21 A City on a Lake
  165. 2013-03-20 On Creation
  166. 2013-03-16 Inkblot (WIP)
  167. 2013-03-14 Self-Descriptive Poetry
  168. 2013-03-08 "Promise"
  169. 2013-03-04 Interpreting Information
  170. 2013-03-01 NaCreSoMo
  171. 2013-02-26 Re: Cloud Atlas
  172. 2013-02-10 Happy Lunar New Year!
  173. 2013-01-31 Read My NaNoWriMo Story!
  174. 2013-01-26 "Twenty-Five Ways to Die"
  175. 2013-01-06 Movie Review: Vantage Point
  176. 2013-01-04 Review: The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
  177. 2012-12-21 "Love from the Linden Tree"
  178. 2012-12-11 Movie Review: Wreck-It Ralph
  179. 2012-12-08 "Ugly"
  180. 2012-12-01 Re: NaNoWriMo 2012
  181. 2012-11-19 NaNoWriMo Cover Art
  182. 2012-11-11 Movie Review: Cloud Atlas
  183. 2012-10-31 Movie Review: Looper
  184. 2012-10-27 NaNoWriMo 2012
  185. 2012-08-26 Poem-a-Day 2012
  186. 2012-08-19 More Newspaper Blackout Poems
  187. 2012-07-09 Movie Review: Unknown
  188. 2012-07-07 The Chasm of Understanding
  189. 2012-06-19 Stereotypes
  190. 2012-06-15 Cocoa Geek
  191. 2012-05-14 Apple
  192. 2012-04-30 Movie Review: The Last Samurai
  193. 2012-03-24 Movie Review: Alien
  194. 2012-03-21 Movie Review: Kill Bill, Vol. 1
  195. 2012-03-07 Goodbye (Achievement Unlocked)
  196. 2012-02-17 Translation in Teaching Language
  197. 2012-02-10 "City Hall"
  198. 2012-02-10 Things We've Seen on Motos
  199. 2012-02-06 Kep
  200. 2012-02-02 Home Walkthrough #2
  201. 2012-01-27 Khmer Gender
  202. 2012-01-21 Happy Lunar New Year!
  203. 2012-01-21 Takeo and Kompong Cham
  204. 2012-01-14 Phnom Penh Excursions
  205. 2012-01-06 Thirdhand English and Chinese Writing Rooms
  206. 2011-12-31 PIO Walkthrough
  207. 2011-12-24 Progress Report: Grade 7+ and Grade 6
  208. 2011-12-18 Home Walkthrough
  209. 2011-12-09 Phnom Penh Traffic
  210. 2011-12-03 "Don't Cry"
  211. 2011-12-03 Progress Report: Grade 4 and the Teacher‑Class
  212. 2011-11-26 Occupied
  213. 2011-11-25 "Every Day I'm Shuffling" at PIO
  214. 2011-11-15 Khmer Syntax
  215. 2011-11-12 Angkor
  216. 2011-10-24 Three Sides (Afterword)
  217. 2011-10-23 Khmer Morphology
  218. 2011-10-21 "Accident"
  219. 2011-10-20 Three Sides (Part 3)
  220. 2011-10-13 "At spoon!"
  221. 2011-10-12 Three Sides (Part 2)
  222. 2011-10-07 Three Sides (Part 1)
  223. 2011-10-07 Living With My Host Family
  224. 2011-10-01 Khmer Phonetics
  225. 2011-09-25 Mondulkiri Province
  226. 2011-09-20 My Host Family
  227. 2011-09-17 The Killing Fields – Chœung Ek
  228. 2011-09-14 Two Days On The Job
  229. 2011-09-14 Orientation
  230. 2011-09-10 Arrival
  231. 2011-09-08 This Is Really Happening
  232. 2011-09-08 Genetic Discrimination
  233. 2011-09-07 Movie Review: No Country for Old Men
  234. 2011-09-06 Society vs. Individual Choice
  235. 2011-09-06 Movie Review: Blade Runner
  236. 2011-09-04 Movie Review: The Last of the Mohicans
  237. 2011-09-03 Time Zones
  238. 2011-09-02 My Last 30 Downloads
  239. 2011-08-31 Apology
  240. 2011-08-29 "Sci-Fi/Fantasy"
  241. 2011-08-27 The Gender Games
  242. 2011-08-26 I Got a Kindle
  243. 2011-08-25 Future Sight
  244. 2011-08-24 Punnett Squares
  245. 2011-08-18 Why I Don't Like Wong Fu
  246. 2011-08-17 Newspaper Blackout Poems
  247. 2011-08-13 Slow Mental Clock
  248. 2011-08-12 Freddi Fish: Sing Along
  249. 2011-08-11 How to Make a Mashup
  250. 2011-08-10 Movie Review: Grave of the Fireflies
  251. 2011-08-08 Cambodia
  252. 2011-08-02 Literary Merit
  253. 2011-08-01 Jane Error
  254. 2011-07-31 Character-based Stories
  255. 2011-07-30 Spokes: A Math Problem
  256. 2011-07-24 Movie Review: My Neighbor Totoro
  257. 2011-07-19 More on Sexism: The "Women's World Cup"
  258. 2011-07-16 English Pronouns
  259. 2011-07-10 Re: Fanfiction
  260. 2011-07-03 Movie Review: Super 8
  261. 2011-06-15 Hints for Computer Science at Berkeley
  262. 2011-06-15 Movie Review: X-Men: First Class
  263. 2011-06-02 Achievement Unlocked
  264. 2011-05-28 What Do You Say At Graduation?
  265. 2011-05-20 Adoption (in Portal) / Rapture (IRL)
  266. 2011-05-18 Movie Review: Source Code
  267. 2011-05-10 After Graduation
  268. 2011-02-15 "What's Wrong?"
  269. 2011-02-02 Happy Lunar New Year!
  270. 2011-01-31 [Chua] "Nothing is fun until you're good at it"
  271. 2011-01-29 [Chua] "Villager Number Six"
  272. 2011-01-26 [Chua] "Garbage"
  273. 2011-01-24 [Chua] "Not Being the No. 1 Student"
  274. 2011-01-22 [Chua] "Superior"
  275. 2011-01-22 [Chua] Tiger Moms
  276. 2011-01-13 I Just Had Lunch
  277. 2011-01-07 Puerile Parenthood
  278. 2011-01-01 Phones and Photographs
  279. 2010-12-29 Thinking in Color
  280. 2010-12-27 Relationships vs. Probability
  281. 2010-12-26 Re: Diversity (in film)
  282. 2010-12-26 Movie Review: Gattaca
  283. 2010-12-25 Chrome vs. Safari
  284. 2010-12-25 From an Actual Conversation with My Family
  285. 2010-12-20 Movie Review: The Social Network
  286. 2010-12-20 A Review of Machinarium
  287. 2010-12-03 I Wrote a Story!
  288. 2010-11-28 Re: NaNoWriMo 2010
  289. 2010-11-26 The '30s
  290. 2010-10-24 NaNoWriMo 2010
  291. 2010-08-27 Movie Review: Scott Pilgrim vs. The World
  292. 2010-08-23 Beauty and the Beast
  293. 2010-07-29 Symmetry
  294. 2010-07-25 Musings from Europe
  295. 2010-06-01 Hǎoqù: A TR Fanfiction
  296. 2010-04-11 Re: Creative Efforts in March 2010
  297. 2010-03-21 Movie Review: Memento
  298. 2010-02-28 Creative Efforts in March 2010
  299. 2010-02-26 Protests and Politics
  300. 2010-02-14 Happy Lunar New Year!
  301. 2010-01-14 Diversity
  302. 2010-01-04 Movie Review: Avatar
  303. 2010-01-01 Movie Review: Sherlock Holmes
  304. 2009-10-24 NaNoWriMo 2009, or "Is Jordy crazy?"
  305. 2009-09-26 Poems from Astro Class
  306. 2009-09-13 Movie Review: District 9
  307. 2009-08-17 Dinosaur Comics meets Twitter
  308. 2009-04-18 Wicked
  309. 2009-03-23 SMILE
  310. 2009-03-15 V-Day
  311. 2009-03-06 JavaScript Tetris
  312. 2009-02-08 Movie Review: I, Robot
  313. 2009-02-04 Not the Same Place: Review of the "Gravity" Music Video
  314. 2009-01-25 Happy Lunar New Year!
  315. 2008-12-13 Sleep
  316. 2008-12-06 NaNoWriMo 2008: Wordle
  317. 2008-11-12 Proposition 8: Afterwards
  318. 2008-10-31 NaNoWriMo: The Insanity Returns
  319. 2008-10-25 Proposition 8'
  320. 2008-10-03 Cultural Spectra
  321. 2008-08-31 Proposition 8
  322. 2008-06-23 The Capital King?
  323. 2008-05-20 Moving Out
  324. 2008-05-14 Friggin' Awesome Movie Titles
  325. 2008-05-08 Four Coolest Kanji / Hànzì
  326. 2008-05-06 Berkeley 130, CHS 120
  327. 2008-05-01 Fanfiction
  328. 2008-04-24 Spam Count
  329. 2008-04-14 Feel the Night
  330. 2008-04-04 This is the Way the World Ends (I)
  331. 2008-03-13 The Trials and Tribulations of Bai Jianming
  332. 2008-03-09 "Food and Water"
  333. 2008-02-18 One Semester
  334. 2008-02-13 Juxtaposition: Articles and Ads
  335. 2008-02-07 Happy Lunar New Year!
  336. 2008-01-27 Juxtaposition: Status Messages
  337. 2008-01-26 Movie Review: Across the Universe
  338. 2008-01-23 Paint
  339. 2008-01-19 Science as Religion
  340. 2007-12-22 Video Games Live on 2008-02-22
  341. 2007-12-02 Movie Review: August Rush
  342. 2007-11-30 NaNoWriMo: Postmortem
  343. 2007-11-12 A CHS Veteran's Day/Weekend
  344. 2007-11-02 Introduction to NorCal for Chinese Readers
  345. 2007-10-29 NaNoWriMo: Social Suicide
  346. 2007-10-29 A Cappella Weekend
  347. 2007-10-26 You Know You're a Bass When...
  348. 2007-10-23 Shuài
  349. 2007-10-12 DHMO
  350. 2007-10-09 Jukebox
  351. 2007-10-01 Picture Return Month
  352. 2007-09-23 Sincerity
  353. 2007-09-12 More Song Associations
  354. 2007-09-06 Horton Hatched a WHAT‽
  355. 2007-09-03 Spontaneity
  356. 2007-08-22 Mu
  357. 2007-08-22 Welcome to Berkeley
  358. 2007-08-10 Hairspray: The Review
  359. 2007-08-07 Oh, Canada...
  360. 2007-07-24 iMac Troubles
  361. 2007-06-13 And What I Leave Behind
  362. 2007-06-10 A Poem for Graduation
  363. 2007-06-05 Graduation
  364. 2007-05-13 Spring Concert
  365. 2007-05-12 Japanese Interlude
  366. 2007-05-10 English AP Aftermath
  367. 2007-05-08 AP Testing and Choir Ad
  368. 2007-05-06 One Acts
  369. 2007-05-01 Religion: Two Stories With Commentary
  370. 2007-05-01 On Facebook
  371. 2007-04-30 Zelda Memories
  372. 2007-04-17 Writer's Folly
  373. 2007-04-16 Command-Delete
  374. 2007-04-14 Coming Back to Haunt Me
  375. 2007-04-12 The End of an Era
  376. 2007-04-01 Busy Year
  377. 2007-03-24 IDC Talent Show
  378. 2007-03-19 Coming Up Next...
  379. 2007-03-13 What's on my iPod?
  380. 2007-03-10 A New Way to Look at Star Wars
  381. 2007-03-10 MASTERWORKS CONCERT
  382. 2007-02-25 The End of All Things
  383. 2007-02-22 Re: On Blogs
  384. 2007-02-20 Berkeley S&D 2007
  385. 2007-02-17 Happy Lunar New Year!
  386. 2007-02-15 Valentine's Day Debriefing
  387. 2007-02-11 My 30GB iPod Shuffle
  388. 2007-02-04 International Championships of A Cappella
  389. 2007-02-03 Of iPods and Nitrogen
  390. 2007-01-27 Weird Song Associations
  391. 2007-01-24 4Koma: Macworld 2007
  392. 2007-01-17 A Poem
  393. 2007-01-14 Prologue: On Blogs
  394. 2007-01-11 I Am