Horton Hatched a WHAT‽

A bit more, um, biologically risqué than my usual style. (Who knew I could write like this?) If you haven’t read Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Seuss, you probably won’t understand this poem. Extra credit to the first person who finds the hidden, slightly-incorrect Mac-software-related reference.

Have you ever read a book by Dr. Seuss
(Not the cat with a fetish for child abuse)
Where an elephant sits on the egg of a bird
And out pops a hybrid, a creature unheard.

How might we reproduce this wonder!
Simply by placing a bird’s egg under
An elephant’s rear and a few months we wait
For the egg to develop and incubate!

“Too easy!” you cry, “That surely won’t work
Else by now the world would be completely berserk!”
I’ll admit it seems awkward, and odd were it true
And common to see a pet dog that goes “Moo”.

“But there’s no way a bird can breed with a mammel!
That’s like taking the humps off a camel!
You can’t just pull new species out of a hat.
Every evolutionary biologist knows that.”

Well assuming for once that the odd pair can breed,
(Who knows, maybe something’s quite off in their feed)
That still doesn’t answer how Baby was made.
When the egg that was sat on was already laid!

If not fertilized the egg never would hatch
But in Seuss and in nature there’s always a catch!
It’s possible that type of bird doesn’t need
A male or his—shall we say—input to breed.

Yes, that means the mother is hermaphroditic
And right about now—on cue—up pops a critic.
“This book is too raunchy for childhood mind.
We must ban every copy of it we can find!”

There’s just a bit more we need to end the tale
Before we tell publishers to stop its sale.
The elephant ‘ssentially “fathered” the egg
Creating a monster on wing but with leg.

And that’s how a simple kid’s book can turn bad
When an elephant-bird hybrid bastard is had.
But remember the moral of this tale’s main gent,
“An elephant’s faithful, one-hundred percent!”

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