A Scathing Invective on Foreign Food

What
is
this? What is this?
Sad excuse
for a cake.
It’s frosted yet strange
and mushy even when baked.
And why does it have liquor;
do these people even think?
The reason it’s called “liquor”’s cause it’s something you drink!

What is this?
What is this?
Some kind of beef stew?
Oh you may shout “toro, taureau”
Does it taste different to you?
With these poor mild flavorings
Do you really eat that?
Is this the Middle Ages?
It’s like eating a cat.

Oh my god, people actually eat cat?

What is this?
What is this
that just sticks in my craw?
Why ever cook the rice but then leave the fish raw?
Do you want to get sick?
Do you want to spread disease?
Or is that why you add vinegar
and wrap in seaweed. Jeez!

What is this?
You must be mad!
Is this some kind of joke?
You could feed a dozen people
and have never touched the yolk!
I suppose just this once
Mother Nature is to blame
But come on; just carrying it’s gonna give me back pain.

Ow…

What is this?
What is this?
Don’t you know what you eat?
How many did you have to kill
for that tiny bit of meat?
I’m not even sure amphibian’s much of a treat
especially since those legs once had tiny little feet!

What is this?
What is this?
Just an ungodly mess.
Did you put a bunch of stuff in
and just hope for the best?
What a crock
What a laugh
Is it supposed to stay wrapped?
Because it already burst
It’s all over my lap.

I didn’t think I’d need a change of clothes tonight…

And what is this?
What is this?
No, really, don’t know what it is.
Are you act’lly s’posed to like it
or just give it to kids?
So you spread it on bread
but first you add butter
so it’s just a blast of…flavors?
These people really are nutters.

What is this?
Ah yes!
I’m glad to be home.
My stomach is grateful.
No more will I roam.
Just give me caffeine extract
with some Sweet-and-Low
and ground-up cow on tasteless bread
and make all that…to go.

Part of NaNoWriMo Penance. This title was donated by Ashley G.

Inspired by…Disney?