“—p!”

The obstruent echoed around the room. For a minute, Cooportinoans and Lee-Landers alike stared at the dragon.

Then it roared.

An avalanche of sound, sending papers airborne and producing a ripple Edward had only seen in animé. He covered his ears and cringed, irrationally a little relieved to see everyone else doing the same.

“This is so Final Fantasy…” Gordon whispered. Richard laughed quietly, almost forgetting there was a dragon in the room.

A FOOWMP-PA’ caught everyone’s attention. Mridula had begun moving again. “Come on, gu—”

With a FOOWMP-crash! the dragon slammed its foot down on her just as she popped in. Christine cringed and closed her eyes as rubble jumped into the air, then fell down again. “Mridula!”

“I think this would be a good time to bow out. Good luck, you guys,” came a strained, subdued, but still a bit cheery call from beneath the dragon’s foot. There was a muffled PA’.

The dragon lifted up its foot and sniffed it inquisitively, then snorted disdainfully. It lowered its huge head until it was looking directly at Richard, eye to eye. Well, one giant eye the size of Richard’s head glaring into two frightened human eyes.

“DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?”

Richard lost the battle to keep his legs from shaking. He mutely shook his head “no”, not sure what sort of embarassing noise would emerge from his mouth if he opened it.

The dragon reared back up and laughed, an awful laugh that would have made flowers wither, were there any present. As it was, Ivy and the unconscious Flora both cried out, having the most plantlike names.

“I AM THE HAHR KERR!” said the dragon, still laughing maliciously. “AND I WOULD LIKE TO SAY YOU’VE DONE QUITE WELL. BUT I’M AFRAID THIS WILL BE YOUR LAST ROUND. THE ONLY BREAKING TODAY WILL BE YOUR HOPE!”

Several people groaned. Jin was pretty sure at least one of them was a Lee-Lander. The dragon’s expression darkened, which likely put it at over 90% darkness.

“SILENCE!” it called, despite the fact that no one was talking. “THE ONE CHOSEN IS PRESENT. I CAN SENSE IT. ONCE WE CLAIM HIR POWER, WE WILL CONTROL THE TOURNAMENT, AND THEN, THE WORLD.”

Ivy looked around, but Flora was still knocked out by her own talent. It was up to her, then. “Wait, we haven’t heard of that plotline since Chapter 7.”

“And what’s ‘hir’?” Lee put in before the dragon could respond.

A gender-neutral third-person possessive pronoun.

The dragon looked down and spotted Jordy. “OH, SO YOU’RE HERE TOO!” it boomed. Somehow Da Seul got the feeling that it was amused. “WELL, WE CAN’T HAVE THAT, NOW CAN WE.”

“Kuso…” swore Jordy as the dragon reached down, picked him up, and tossed him outside.

Eric took a step forward angrily. “Hold on a minute. You never mentioned your minions, therefore they aren’t part of this plot. Therefore, they won’t support you. Extend that across.” He slashed a hand horizontally across in front of him, left to right. Then he paused, and repeated the action, right to left, for the benefit of people in front of him.

The minions in the room disappeared. Amazed, the other Cooportinoans slowly formed a group around Christine, Jin, Da Seul, and Flora.

Actually, Jin was no longer there, Elaine noticed. Where did he go?

“And furthermore,” Eric continued, “There’s a retractable bridge up there. Extend that across as well.” The bridge shot out and hit the dragon on the ear. It roared in pain.

Amidst cheers, Eric grinned. “I think I like this talent.”

The dragon laughed too, instantly quieting the entire room. “YOU’RE A FEISTY ONE,” it growled, “SOMETIMES IT TAKES AN OLD-FASHIONED TECHNIQUE TO WIN.” Its tail whipped out and caught Eric behind the knees, making him collapse.

“Eric!” cried Tim. He and Tina ran over to him and knelt. “Are you OK?”

Eric groaned. “He must have hit his head,” Tina told the others, “We have to get him out of here.”

“And don’t forget Jordy!” Christine reminded them.

“I’ll get a ride,” Da Seul pledged, and she led the way out of the room, followed by Tim and Tina half-carrying, half-dragging Eric.

The dragon let them go. Evidently it had no use for them.

“I’ll save you,” came a bold voice. Edward looked over and saw Persia brandishing a piece of pipe or something like a sword, looking as much like a heroic knight as a teenage Speech contestant could. For a moment he felt a ray of hope strike him as she charged forward.

The dragon sniffed loudly, and a blast of hot, wet air shot from its nostrils and bowled Persia over. She tumbled back, stopping in front of the group, and tossed the pipe away. “Eek! A dragon!”

“Great time for a princess ego,” Kel remarked, “Well, that’s that.”

“What about you, Kellie?” Elaine asked.

“No good,” said Lee. “Its eyes are on each side of its head.”

“So?” Edward responded, a little angry.

“Our talent only works on those who have binocular vision,” Kel explained glumly.

“Of all the…” Edward shook his head. “Who made that stupid rule up?” Lee shook her head dismally and remerged with Kel. Kellie ran her fingers exhaustedly through her hair.

“All right, Impromptu time,” Andrew said decisively. He stepped forward and looked aggressively up at the dragon. Richard watched nervously. “Did you know that all around us, there are lines of power, energy snapping and grabbing, holding the world together? Even the floor has—”

“DID YOU KNOW,” the dragon interrupted, “THAT SUCH POWER IS VERY SHORT RANGE, OR CANCELS OUT IN POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE FORMS.” The floor had begun to shine but the light now faded.

“Not gravity,” Andrew said weakly. He stumbled backwards.

The dragon laughed, that awful laugh again. “OH NOES, I’M STUCK TO THE FLOOR.” Suddenly it slumped down a little. “OKAY, THAT’S UNCOMFORTABLE. RELEASE ME.”

“No,” Andrew said back impetuously. Fritz stepped in front of him.

“Did you know,” he said, “that ancient mathematicians thought that all numbers were rational?” His voice was calm, and Edward covered his ears, anticipating a long and boring speech about math that somehow tied back to the real world.

He was wrong. “DID YOU KNOW,” the dragon responded again, “THAT THEY KILLED THE FIRST PERSON WHO PROVED THE SQUARE ROOT OF TWO WAS IRRATIONAL?”

Fritz’s nerve failed and he stepped back next to Andrew. The others looked expectantly at Ivy.

“What?”

Even the dragon was staring at her now.

“I’ve got nothing.”

“We really should have made her go to more tournaments,” Elaine said to Christine. Both of them sighed.

“IF YOU’RE QUITE FINISHED, THEN IT’S MY TURN NOW.”

The dragon began an argument that, if completed, would indeed destroy the tournament, and then the world. Elaine and Edward exchanged worried glances. “Guess it’s up to us now,” Edward said determinedly.

“Or more accurately,” Elaine said, “Me. Because all your talent is good for is defense.”

“Hey—” Edward started up angrily. “Yeah…”

「—IN THIS WORLD THE PRESENCE OF SUPERIOR COMPETITORS IS—」

“Point of Info!” Elaine shouted. The dragon kept speaking.

“Point of Info!” she cried again desperately.

“Point of order…” Edward said, confused.

Even the dragon fell silent. This was the first time anyone had called a point of order.

Edward spoke cautiously into the sudden silence. “She said ‘point of info’. Doesn’t that require a response?”

The dragon showed its teeth in a ghastly grin. “It is up to the speaker whether or not to consider a Point of Info.”

Edward and Elaine fell back, aghast. “End…end point,” Edward stuttered.

“Guess we’ll have to do this the old-fashioned way,” Elaine said grimly, as the dragon began speaking again.

“All right.” Edward make a quick executive decision. “Christine, we need help. And there’s only one place we can get it.” Confused, Christine followed Edward’s gaze…to the plain wooden door behind them.

The door with “AVATARS” engraved on it in small neat block letters.

This entry was posted on September 14, 2008 and is filed under S&D story.